My parents are divorcing and i'm partially glad + guilty. plz help :(?

so my mom and my dad are divorcing. part of me says "good!". another part feels guilty that part of me says good. the part of me that says "good!" is most likely saying that because if my parents split i'll end up with my dad and not my mom. my mom and i have had a rough time. my mom cries and screams and makes my dad feel like **** whenever she gets stressed. the earliest example i can remember that i will always remember is when i was 6 years old. my mom had apparently became stressed because my dad was away. she called and asked him to come back. she had always become extremely stressed whenever my dad was away. but this time was different. she started crying and screaming and throwing dishes all over the kitchen while my baby sister was in her highchair. i kept saying random **** to my mom that i thought would help, but it didn't. apparently she has psyclothymia or bipolar but even so, it sucks. eventually i grew older and her conservative/religious views conflicted with mine and her frequent episodes made me see their was no god. then one night i went psycho and my mom called the police on me. i have despised my mom from that point a lot more than i used to. i am 13 now. a few months ago when i was 12 i got suspended from school for pulling a knife on 2 guys who tried to beat me up and carrying and distributing caffeine pills(not selling, just giving and as bribes. a certain group of girls liked to hang around me and make me feel like ****) that caused my mom to kick me out of the house and ship me over to my grandparents and me to attempt suicide for the 5th time(i think it was the 5th. the cops were called again.). because of all this i have become emotionally disturbed so i can never make friends. i love life and i'll admit i sort of love my mom. so thats why i think my parents should divorce. i can guarentee i'll end up with my dad because my moms scared of me. but should i feel guilty i think all of that? i mean, love is a beautiful thing and i hate to see it destroyed but i don 't think i'll turn out right if i keep being like this. therapy doesnt help, dont suggest it i've tried. my plan for life used to be as soon as i'm 16 i'm leaving my mom in the dirt to **** her own brains out. this looks like a fresh start for me but should i feel guilty like i do?